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Marsha Token wrote:

Hi, guys —

  • Why is it OK not to be married, to have a child, and have that child baptized, however if you are gay, the Catholic Church does not want you to attend church?

I thought God loves everybody regardless of what and who you are.


  { Why is the Church more accepting of those not to be married with a child but not gay people? }

Mike replied:

Dear Marsha,

I have no idea what you are talking about. The Church doesn't teach or believe anything that you said.

Marriage is the divine institution God founded from which all families are derived from and which Jesus blessed as a sacrament. The word sacrament comes from a word meaning to swear a covenant oath. Think of the sacramental grace of Matrimony as the Krazy Glue that keeps a Christian marriage together. Three people are making a promise in a sacramental Marriage:

  1. the man
  2. the woman, and
  3. God, Himself

It is the only institution that has been recognized by all cultures as a means to protect and safeguard both the children and their parents from society and its culture.

Marriage has nothing to do with same-sex relationships because two men cannot bring forth new life — neither can two women. Although those that advocate for same-sex relationships always want to equate their relationship with marriage, it is not.

They strive to equate so-called gay marriage with Christian marriage by referring to previous historical movements in America, like the civil rights and women's rights movements. These are extremely poor comparisons because individual gay people have the exact same rights as any other person. What they can't claim, is to do something that is biologically impossible — bring forth new life with a person of the same sex. This is why all societies have politically and legally placed safeguards in society to protect the traditional family.

Sure there may be just issues dealing with the rights of spouses resulting from broken traditional marriages, but those issues have nothing to do with so-called gay marriage and should be dealt with apart from any talk about marriage — a Judeo-Christian word.

Read this piece from our colleagues at Catholic Answers:

Because Marriage is a life-long commitment between one man and one woman that is open to new life (i.e. children), Christians date or court those of the opposite sex that they like and develop a strong appeal for. In the process they test and pray if they can make a life-time commitment to them in the sacrament of Marriage. We should never date or court someone that we also wouldn't consider marrying.

The Church wants to see children baptized as early as possible but there has to be a good hope that they will be raised Catholic. If this hope is lacking, the Church cannot baptized them.

Though the majority of people are called to the married life within the sacrament of Matrimony, others are called to the single state in life. We have to discern what our state in life is through prayer.

Those with same-sex attraction are welcome to attend Mass on a regular basis.

We welcome them with open arms!

What the Church would expect from any believer of the faith, is to accept and strive to practice the teachings She proclaims. I think that's just common sense. Though Christian Baptism removes original sin from our soul, the after effects of original sin (known as concupiscence), still effect all of us and will until we are 6 feet in the ground. : )

  • If they are Catholic, and have committed same-sex acts with other people, they should first go to Confession before receiving Holy Communion.

    A priest is available at most Catholic parishes for Confession every Saturday afternoon.

    Remember that the Confessional is a tribunal of mercy and healing, not of judgment.
    The point is not to accuse you or impose guilt; the point is to relieve guilt and apply the balm of mercy to sins so that they might be healed. A sin is like an injury, and the priest
    is like a doctor.

  • If they are not Catholic, they may not receive Holy Communion or the Sacrament of Confession, but they are still welcome to attend Mass.

    At Communion time, they should proceed up crossing their arms and bowing their head when they get to the priest. This tells the priest that they are not disposed to receiving Holy Communion but still wish to receive a blessing.

Whether Catholic, or not, they should also look into Courage, a Catholic apostolate for those who struggle with same-sex attractions. Here is there web site:

I hope this clarifies what the Church teaches and believes.

[Related posting]

Eric replied:


I want to zero-in on a statement you made.

You said:
I thought God loves everybody regardless of what and who you are.

He does, which is why he doesn't want us to sin, and why he declares homosexual acts to be verboten. It's like the child who wants ice cream for dinner every night. His mother knows this is bad for him and prohibits him from having it. The child, not seeing the big picture, doesn't understand why this is and protests, perhaps thinking his mother has it out for him and doesn't love him.

In fact she does, which is why she forbids it. So it is with God. Homosexual acts are spiritually damaging to our souls, and they separate us from God. Thus God forbids them, and if we are defiant about it, it's even more spiritually damaging to our souls to receive Communion in our unrepentance or separation from God.

A principle of Catholic morality is that every sexual act must be open to life according to its nature. Without getting into too many details, this has to do with how the conjugal act mirrors the relationship of Christ and the Church and the fecundity thereof, but it means that acts which are intrinsically sterile and opposed to life by their very nature are not permitted, such as masturbation, oral and anal sex (even between a husband and wife), and contraception.

Acts which are sterile by defect or old age don't count because by nature they are still naturally open to life, even if only in theory. Homosexual acts fall under these sterile acts, and thus are proscribed.


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