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Carol the CatLover wrote:

Hi, guys —

I've fallen out of connection with Christ recently due to some struggles with my sexuality. I love God and fear Him like any Christian, but I can't help but think that He's mad at me.

I have come out to my friends as bi-sexual but I want to follow God. I need to consult someone anonymously for an answer.

  • If I want to follow God, should I just force myself to be straight?

It's worth it for my Savior.

Please get back to me.

Carol

  { If I want to follow God, should I just force myself to be straight? }

Paul replied:

Carol,

I'll give you my take, and allow my colleagues to also respond. There is no such thing as "being" bisexual or homosexual. One can properly speak of having homosexual feelings or attractions, but that is not 'who' you are.

On the other hand, actions are voluntary. We can choose to act or not act on our feelings. Therefore, with regard to homosexual (or bisexual) attractions to the same sex, you must resist acting upon them, and try always to reject them if, or when, they pop into your mind. These are disordered feelings that would lead to unnatural acts if you give into them. Do whatever you can to resist feelings or attractions which are not of God's will.

If you believe marriage is your vocation, seek a future spouse with which you can share fruitful love until death.

This is God's natural order for us.

Peace,

Paul

Bob replied:

Carol,

I'm sorry that you have to struggle so much with your sexuality; all of us have struggles at one time or another so know you are not alone. The thing is, you already know the answer to your question, you just need the strength and courage to follow the right way.

God can give you that strength. Don't be deceived by the world that tells you do whatever makes you happy, it doesn't matter, no one can tell you how to be you, etc. It is a lie. Only God can bring us true happiness, and following His Way is happiness. He is joy, and peace, and while your life may not be without struggles, you can know peace in Christ.

I have a totally gay friend — that is, he is completely same-sex attracted. He is not in sin just because he is attracted to the same sex, he knows that acting out on it is a sin however, so he has accepted a life of celibacy. He would not be happy to marry a woman and have a family the way God and nature designed us, so he is simply opting out to remain single and chaste. In that there is no sin. I can look at many woman other than my wife and find them attractive, but unless I act out, lust or do something worse, I am in no sin.

We are responsible for our behavior, not our disposition that nature has given us.

  • Do you understand the difference?

It is critical. You have control over your behavior and choices despite any desires, temptations, or pre-disposition. We certainly expect someone who is pre-disposed to alcoholism to behave soberly despite the inclination.

I don't know why you have an attraction to other females, but there could be a whole host of reasons — not least of which is that women are attractive (I can easily say that as a male.) and our culture says it is okay and desirable to have sexual intimacy with them regardless of gender.

You were not meant to be yoked with another women sexually, however, or in the role of raising children with a female partner. God made us male and female, complementary, both physically and metaphysically because He designed family to be built in this way. Men and women bring something unique to their role as parents beyond the sperm and eggs. I know as a parent, and you know it as a chiild of parents. Our attempts to create a different family model are, at best, vain and destructive. This is not to say that sometimes our families are broken, that we are forced to live with single parents, and other situations based on trauma and other issues. This is not by design, but by necessity.

So, you choices are: remain single and chaste; or, get married to a man and create a family as God intended. Everything else is folly and will hurt you or others.

Bob Kirby

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